Six essential authors on sensitivity

Their books are invaluable guides to life as an HSP.

Welcome to my weekly newsletter building a supportive community for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs).

Understanding sensitivity in all its depth and complexity isn’t something that happens overnight. Nevertheless, discovering the right book at the right time has unlocked insights that have literally changed my life.

This week I thought I’d share some recommendations for leading authors in the field — though this is by no means an exhaustive list. I’d love to hear about any other books readers have found helpful — and any insights gleaned in reading them. As always, please do feel free to comment below.

Dr Elaine Aron

“You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders for your society. There is every reason for pride.” — Dr Elaine Aron in The Highly Sensitive Person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you.

For regular readers of The HSP Revolution, Dr Elaine Aron needs no introduction. A pioneering American psychologist, she coined the term Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in the 1990s and developed the first sensitivity self-assessment tests. Her work provided the foundation for a subsequent generation of sensitivity researchers to shift sensitivity studies into the mainstream.

I’ve found Dr Aron’s books life-changing. When I first read the The Highly Sensitive Person a decade ago, it was a lightbulb moment — my life and my struggles suddenly made so much more sense. Many of us intuitively know that we are somehow different, but Dr Aron’s research provided objective confirmation. Her books are an excellent place to start learning how to redesign your life to suit your temperament, and to appreciate that you are by no means alone. They include:

• The Highly Sensitive Person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you

• The Highly Sensitive Parent: How to care for your kids when you care too much

• The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them

• The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and managing relationships when the world overwhelms you

Dr Ted Zeff

“When sensitive boys do not conform to the stereotypical ‘boy code’ and instead express compassion, gentleness, and vulnerability, they are frequently ostracized and humiliated. In this book, you will learn hundreds of methods for your son to survive and flourish in a culture that shames sensitive males.” — Ted Zeff in The Strong Sensitive Boy: Help your son become a happy, confident man.

Dr Ted Zeff’s ground-breaking book The Strong Sensitive Boy has done a huge service by opening up a discussion around sensitivity in boys in a field that had traditionally (and misleadingly) been associated with women and girls. Dr Zeff interviewed men in different cultures — and found male sensitivity was deemed least acceptable in North America, but honoured in cultures including Thailand and China, where sensitive boys were the most popular in the class. Dr Zeff’s books include:

• The Strong Sensitive Boy: Help your son become a happy, confident man

• The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential skills for living well in an overstimulating world

Hannah Jane Walker

“This book considers how we might learn to use sensitivity as a path to forging new selves, and a new way of existing — as a strength, a valuable resource, not just in individual self-help contexts, but in the collective social fabric and in the stories well tell about what we value and how we live.” — Hannah Jane Walker in Sensitive: The power of feeling in a world that doesn’t.

A poet who made a programme about sensitivity for BBC Radio Four in 2016, Hannah Jane Walker’s highly readable book is grounded in her own experience as an HSP, and in raising a highly sensitive daughter. I’m sure many of us will find ourselves nodding in recognition in reading her account, and I really resonated with how she emphasises the importance of HSP skills in tackling the world’s biggest problems.

Walker speaks to many experts in the field, including Dr Elaine Aron and Dr Michael Pluess, and I love how she explores how future education systems could be designed to benefit highly sensitive children. Published only a couple of months ago, the book has a refreshing, contemporary feel.

• Sensitive: The power of feeling in a world that doesn’t.

Tom Falkenstein

"I consider the high sensitivity of many men to be a completely essential part of masculine identity and something that can enrich the lives of these men and the lives of others. Sensitivity is in no way a shameful or ‘umanly’ flaw that one has to get over.” — Tom Falkenstein, in The Highly Sensitive Man: Finding strength in sensitivity.

A German psychotherapist, Falkenstein has written a superb book on high sensitivity in men — packed with revealing case studies. “I see highly sensitive men as neither ‘delicate flowers’ nor as ‘golden children,” Falkenstein writes. An empowering, compassionate book — Falkenstein argues that we have reached a turning point in our understanding of masculinity. This is a book that will have a lot to offer both men and women reader. You can follow Falkenstein on Instagram.

• The Highly Sensitive Man: Finding strength in sensitivity

Amanda Cassil

“The exercises come from questions and practices I give my clients every day. Some of them will work for you and others won’t, and that’s okay. As you try them, you can decide which tools to take with you and incorporate into regular useage so that you, too, can blossom and thrive.” — Dr Amanda Cassil, The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person: A workbook to harness your strengths in every part of your life.

A coaching client told me about this book, which has great questions to help you think more deeply about your experience of high sensitivity in different areas of your life. You can follow Dr Cassil on Instagram; her books include:

• The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person: A workbook to harness your strengths in every part of your life

• The Self-Care Plan for the Highly Sensitive Person: 365 Days of reflection, calm, and positivity

Dr Tracy Cooper

“Sensation seeking, as a trait that operates on varied, novel, and intense sensation seeking may serve as that ‘wild friend’ who always wants to do something that pulls us out of our comfort zone into experiences we might never have on our own.” — Dr Tracy Cooper in Thrill!: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person.

I’ll confess that I haven’t yet read Dr Tracy Cooper’s acclaimed book Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career — though it’s high on my list. I got to know Dr Cooper’s work through his blog, and gained a great deal of understanding from his book on high sensation seeking HSPs (which we explored in a previous newsletter). A compassionate, deeply understanding writer, Dr Cooper is well worth looking up.

• Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and career

• Thrill!: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person

• Empowering the sensitive male soul

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I hope some of these recommendations will provide supportive companions as you deepen your own relationship with your sensitivity.

Until next week,