Life Lessons from Pixar's Elemental

The film explores inter-generational trauma; the tension between belonging and becoming; and the contribution made by highly sensitive men.

Scene from Elemental. Credit: Disney/Pixar.

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I’ve just watched Elemental, the new Pixar animated film, with my five-year-old daughter. Though the reviews were mixed, I left the cinema buzzing.

The film explores so many important themes related to our relationship with our emotions; tolerance and diversity; and inter-generational trauma, that I wanted to share some reflections on what came up for me as I laughed — and sometimes cried — during this visually-stunning spectacular that — like so many Pixar films — manages to speak simultaneously to both children and adults.

To briefly recap (with no spoilers), the story is set in Element City, where beings made of fire, earth, water and air attempt to co-exist, despite lingering prejudices. The story revolves around Ember (a feisty fire being), and Wade (a highly sensitive water being) who initially don’t get on, but who develop an unexpected bond.

Ember is the determined and passionate daughter of migrants Bernie and Cinder, who left their families in Fireland to build a new life as shopkeepers in Element City. Ember is very conscious of the sacrifices her parents have made for her, and knows she’s expected to repay this debt by taking over the family shop. However, Ember struggles to control her temper when dealing with customers — turning purple as her anger builds, leading to huge explosions. Her resentment is a symptom of her barely-acknowledged yearning to follow her calling as an artist.

“Elements Cannot Mix”

Wade, by contrast, is clearly Element City’s equivalent of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Deeply attuned to his emotions, his empathy frequently moves him to tears — a trait portrayed with characteristic Pixar humour. His connection with his own emotional life also allows him to connect deeply with others — a skill Ember envies.

The conventional wisdom in Element City, as voiced by Ember’s mother Cinder, is that “elements cannot mix.” But in Romeo-and-Juliet fashion, Ember and Wade fall in love — at first keeping their budding relationship secret from Ember’s parents. The chemistry between them gradually proves the conventional wisdom wrong — and the film is ultimately a reminder that what unites us far outweighs our differences.

Scene from Elemental. Credit: Disney/Pixar.

Director Peter Sohn told Variety that the film was inspired by his own parents’ experience as migrants arriving in New York from Korea, and his resulting appreciation of the importance of bridging gaps between cultures.

Sohn reiterated this point in a video interview:

“The simplest thing would be seeing the miracle of when two opposite things can find a connection. Hopefully, through that, we can see beyond our differences to find that empathetic connection and opening to get closer to each other. I hope people can get that out of the film.”

In a world where it feels like we’re constantly putting each other into categories — entrenching political, racial, economic and other forms of division — I found the film to be a magical reminder of the importance of nourishing those elements of our shared humanity that connect and bind us together.

Here are some of the key themes that spoke to me:

Breaking the Cycle of Inter-generational Trauma

When Ember and Wade first touch fingertips, it’s a special moment. The pair break into a dance when they realise that — contrary to what they’ve been told — fire and water can create something beautiful when they combine.

But the film also shows the legacy burdens that make their relationship so challenging.

Wade grew up in a privileged environment where it was safe for people to be open about their feelings, speak from the heart, and follow their unique calling.

Fire people, by contrast, have been shunned by everyone else in Element City, and Ember’s family live in survival mode, repressing their emotional lives to stay safe. (Their intuition remains intact, however: Cinder practices as a clairvoyant in a backroom of the shop, foretelling whether couples are destined to stay together).

Ember’s father Bernie was the first of his family to attempt to break the cycle of oppression and build a better life in Element City. Though prejudice towards fire people lingers among water people, Bernie has also inherited a lot of resentment due to the injustices his family suffered, and initially treats Wade with hostility.

By the end, Bernie connects with Wade and the water people, and it’s beautiful to see this new relationship develop. But the film reminds us that it’s not so simple to accept and heal. It takes courage to reckon with the many ways inter-generational trauma can live inside of us; shaping our reactions; and colouring our relationships, if we’re going to be truly free to enjoy the gifts that diversity brings.

The Balance Between Belonging and Becoming

Ember’s struggle over whether to meet her parent’s expectations by following in their footsteps as shopkeepers, or pursue her artistic calling, captured the conflict so many of us experience between the need to belong, and the need to become.

So often the tension between these two equally legitimate needs can be presented as a binary choice: Either we follow what lights us up, or we conform to the social conditioning we’ve received since birth. The film reminds us that there may be a middle way. Ember eventually manages to find a way to genuinely honour her parents and the heritage they carry, while also choosing to share her gifts with the world.

I was particularly moved by the moments when Ember connected with the gratitude she felt for all her parents had done for her — despite wanting to go her own way. The scenes reminded me of all my grandparents did to support me after my mother died. My nan is now 92, and I’m feeling more gratitude for her than ever as she enters the final phase of her life.

Becoming More Authentic, Integrated Versions of Ourselves

As I’ve been learning while training in the Internal Family Systems therapy pioneered by Richard Schwartz, anger is often a message warning us that we’re carrying an emotion we’re not yet ready to feel — perhaps shame, grief or guilt.

With Wade’s help, Ember learns that her anger is not an enemy she needs to fight and overcome, but a signal that she needs to listen to. She can learn to pause long enough to ask: “Why am I feeling angry? What is this anger protecting me from feeling? What is the message beneath this anger?”

To experience more joy, connection and acceptance of ourselves and others, we have to go within and look at our own shadow: the disowned emotions we don’t want to feel, and project onto others. Wade helps Ember to connect with her tears through a traditional family game for water people (the crying game!), and she learns that embracing her vulnerability opens up her love, understanding and empathy.

It’s Okay for Men to Be in Touch with Their Emotions.

Like many highly sensitive men, Wade felt ashamed of his strong emotions as a child. But as an adult, he has learned to love the capacity for connection his empathy brings. In one memorable scene, he leads a stadium crowd watching cloud beings playing “air ball” in a chant to support one crestfallen player — who rallies to score a winning point. Wade’s role in helping Ember connect to her own compassion is a reminder that — despite cultural stereotypes — men can support women to become more in touch with their emotions — and not just the other way around.

I hope you’ll have a chance to see the film, and would love to hear if you enjoyed it as much as my daughter and I did.

See you soon,