This is another fascinating topic! Yes I agree that you can’t see all these non-verbal cues on social media. On slightly different note this is also the problem with online dating.
I’m finding my phone has become a source of over stimulation and perhaps even an addiction. At least I’m aware of it and I’m starting to ween off it by leaving my phone out of reach.
I have a love-hate relationship with IG and FB, a number of relatives and people from school days have become my friends however they rarely engage with me on anything interesting I have shared in keeping with my values. I tend to feel FB is often voyeuristic and people like to rank and compare whilst keeping up with the Jones’s. I like to have a FB/IG cull every now and then ha!
I’m using IG to engage with many writers, researchers and musicians. However it’s a one-sided relationship they value my comments but understandably don’t follow me, I guess that’s online etiquette? I feel like I know them but well they don’t know me, its much like relationship between a fan and a pop star. It can be difficult to make any genuine relationships this way keeping me isolated.
From a different perspective I’m watching the number of followers go exponential for some influencers and they cannot hide their excitement! I’d be excited too if I were in their shoes but would remind myself that some individuals don't always have my best interests at heart.
I think about all the photos on my IG account and wonder what message does it send? Do I inspire people of quite the opposite? For example an HSP friend said this morning via IG that her weekend wouldn’t be as adventurous as mine, I reminded her I value quiet time even more! It made me think about how I interact with social media in the future, it looks like it's here to stay so I hope I can learn to use it wisely.
Matt, thanks so much for such an insightful and thoughtful comment. A good point on online dating. Not being able to see the non verbals is tricky but probably another good reason for people to meet up in person sooner rather than later before getting too invested (this would be a good future newsletter topic!).
You also make a very interesting point on the one-sided relationship between yourself and these people on Instagram (IG). Has IG become our modern day equivalent of the relationship between a fan and a pop star? At at what point do we lose the sense of community and it simply becomes one person and their many followers? As you say many of us (particularly us HSPs) would like a genuine connection, but it can have the opposite effect and be more disconnecting and isolating.
It's very interesting to think about how people stay grounded when they have an exponential growth in followers and become influencers. It's much the same as when somebody has been catapulted into the world of celebrity and is receiving much attention and praise. I guess so much will depend on the individual, their level of consciousness and their intentions.
It's great to be aware of what we post, whilst also reminding ourselves that sometimes other people's responses to what we post are due to them and their triggers/past experiences, not us. Yes, I agree the key is to be wise in how we interact with social media. Not about demonising it because we all know there can be many positives but we need to make it work for us so that it's an uplifting, helpful (not a draining, isolating) experience. Stay discerning and always honour our instincts!
I think a newsletter on dating in the future would be really interesting and benefical.
Yes being a pop star or influencer in the world of social media must be very challenging I don’t think any of us should envy them particularly.
Even though my relationship with social media is a bit one sided its put me in touch with some of my favourite writers and TED speakers this is amazing. I’m unlikely to meet people like this at my local!
As I write this reply my phone is on airplane mode hidden out of sight in a draw this is my anecdote to social media overload, having no distractions feels like a welcomed relief ha!
What a fascinating and insightful post. I think you have hit the nail on the head about congruence. The key example of this for me is all those posts about body image on Instagram where someone purports to be showing off their imperfections and resisting the pressure to look 'perfect' while taking every care to look as perfect as possible. Posting about how you look at all does not show that you don't care about how you look. I think old media used to be easier to navigate in some ways, because the toxic messages were more explicit and not cloaked in falsity. I have felt the same way about #bekind, so often used by people who post judgemental things online. It seems it is used by people as a way of arguing that their needs and perspective should be prioritised rather than a genuine exhortation to consider others.
I have often felt obliged to post more than I want to, to do that thing HSPs are not often comfortable with. i.e. self-promotion. I like your advice to play to our strengths and sit back and observe sometimes instead.
Beth, thank you for such an in depth and fascinating response, particularly what you say about congruence and your own observations on social media.
I think HSPs can often feel a pressure to do the things on social media that everyone else is, even when it doesn't feel comfortable. Perhaps it's about tuning into our gut instinct, and asking the question, does this align with me and my values? If it doesn't feel right, listen to that. Then we give ourselves permission to do things differently to the majority and that's okay.
Yeah I know what you mean, I suppose in an ideal world people could use FB and IG for connection with family and friends and perhaps Linkedin for self-promotion for example.
If I’m doing something to promote myself I hope that by and large it will inspire people rather than drain them, it like everything just getting a healthy balance.
This is another fascinating topic! Yes I agree that you can’t see all these non-verbal cues on social media. On slightly different note this is also the problem with online dating.
I’m finding my phone has become a source of over stimulation and perhaps even an addiction. At least I’m aware of it and I’m starting to ween off it by leaving my phone out of reach.
I have a love-hate relationship with IG and FB, a number of relatives and people from school days have become my friends however they rarely engage with me on anything interesting I have shared in keeping with my values. I tend to feel FB is often voyeuristic and people like to rank and compare whilst keeping up with the Jones’s. I like to have a FB/IG cull every now and then ha!
I’m using IG to engage with many writers, researchers and musicians. However it’s a one-sided relationship they value my comments but understandably don’t follow me, I guess that’s online etiquette? I feel like I know them but well they don’t know me, its much like relationship between a fan and a pop star. It can be difficult to make any genuine relationships this way keeping me isolated.
From a different perspective I’m watching the number of followers go exponential for some influencers and they cannot hide their excitement! I’d be excited too if I were in their shoes but would remind myself that some individuals don't always have my best interests at heart.
I think about all the photos on my IG account and wonder what message does it send? Do I inspire people of quite the opposite? For example an HSP friend said this morning via IG that her weekend wouldn’t be as adventurous as mine, I reminded her I value quiet time even more! It made me think about how I interact with social media in the future, it looks like it's here to stay so I hope I can learn to use it wisely.
Matt, thanks so much for such an insightful and thoughtful comment. A good point on online dating. Not being able to see the non verbals is tricky but probably another good reason for people to meet up in person sooner rather than later before getting too invested (this would be a good future newsletter topic!).
You also make a very interesting point on the one-sided relationship between yourself and these people on Instagram (IG). Has IG become our modern day equivalent of the relationship between a fan and a pop star? At at what point do we lose the sense of community and it simply becomes one person and their many followers? As you say many of us (particularly us HSPs) would like a genuine connection, but it can have the opposite effect and be more disconnecting and isolating.
It's very interesting to think about how people stay grounded when they have an exponential growth in followers and become influencers. It's much the same as when somebody has been catapulted into the world of celebrity and is receiving much attention and praise. I guess so much will depend on the individual, their level of consciousness and their intentions.
It's great to be aware of what we post, whilst also reminding ourselves that sometimes other people's responses to what we post are due to them and their triggers/past experiences, not us. Yes, I agree the key is to be wise in how we interact with social media. Not about demonising it because we all know there can be many positives but we need to make it work for us so that it's an uplifting, helpful (not a draining, isolating) experience. Stay discerning and always honour our instincts!
I think a newsletter on dating in the future would be really interesting and benefical.
Yes being a pop star or influencer in the world of social media must be very challenging I don’t think any of us should envy them particularly.
Even though my relationship with social media is a bit one sided its put me in touch with some of my favourite writers and TED speakers this is amazing. I’m unlikely to meet people like this at my local!
As I write this reply my phone is on airplane mode hidden out of sight in a draw this is my anecdote to social media overload, having no distractions feels like a welcomed relief ha!
What a fascinating and insightful post. I think you have hit the nail on the head about congruence. The key example of this for me is all those posts about body image on Instagram where someone purports to be showing off their imperfections and resisting the pressure to look 'perfect' while taking every care to look as perfect as possible. Posting about how you look at all does not show that you don't care about how you look. I think old media used to be easier to navigate in some ways, because the toxic messages were more explicit and not cloaked in falsity. I have felt the same way about #bekind, so often used by people who post judgemental things online. It seems it is used by people as a way of arguing that their needs and perspective should be prioritised rather than a genuine exhortation to consider others.
I have often felt obliged to post more than I want to, to do that thing HSPs are not often comfortable with. i.e. self-promotion. I like your advice to play to our strengths and sit back and observe sometimes instead.
Beth, thank you for such an in depth and fascinating response, particularly what you say about congruence and your own observations on social media.
I think HSPs can often feel a pressure to do the things on social media that everyone else is, even when it doesn't feel comfortable. Perhaps it's about tuning into our gut instinct, and asking the question, does this align with me and my values? If it doesn't feel right, listen to that. Then we give ourselves permission to do things differently to the majority and that's okay.
I just avoid it and keep it to people I know well.
Yes so important to also remain focused on real life relationships.
Yeah I know what you mean, I suppose in an ideal world people could use FB and IG for connection with family and friends and perhaps Linkedin for self-promotion for example.
If I’m doing something to promote myself I hope that by and large it will inspire people rather than drain them, it like everything just getting a healthy balance.
Totally agree with your approach and experience of social media. Like yourself, I prefer Instagram and choose whom to follow carefully.
Thanks for your comment Philip. Am pleased it resonated and that you follow a similar approach.