That’s a useful distinction between overstimulation and anxiety, yes they do seem familiar but now I can see the differences more clearly.
It is a really interesting journey of self discovery you have been on and one which will give you the edge over other mental heath practitioners because you haven’t learned this stuff in a lecture hall you have lived it.
As a Community Support Worker I once visited a man suffering from anxiety his illness had reduced him into a shadow of himself, he looked tough with a chiselled jaw and hands like shovels I couldn’t understand why this 6ft plus ex-heavyweight Eastern European boxer was finding life so difficult, he was tough yet timid, sensitive and kind.
I didn’t know what anxiety was until it hit me whilst driving back from a festival one morning, I couldn’t go to work for weeks I had a whole range of bizarre symptoms (inc: visual day time hallucinations, panic/anxiety attacks, paranoia, delusions, convulsions, sleep paralysis, OBE', insomnia etc...) I never told anyone I was ill and struggling I felt so much unbarable shame, when colleagues asked if I was all right I just replied “yes I’m fine”.
I remember digging my fingernails into my forearm the discomfort gave me mild relief; it was then I realised why people cut themselves, anything to relive the soul-destroying anxiety. I remember the morning the symptoms lifted, I played Metallica’s ‘Justice For All’ at full volume, it was immense relief to feel normal again!
I think young people and HSPs need to be extra cautious something so beautiful can turn ugly - everything that glitters is not gold.
Thanks so much again for such a powerful sharing Matt. The way you have described this sudden onset of anxiety demonstrates just how terrifying it can be. Also the shame, pretence and isolation that came with the struggle shows just how unsupported we can feel in these moments, when what we really need are people who can meet us where we are and accept the process we are in. It sounds like a dreadful time but thank goodness you moved through it.
Also a good point, if you are looking for a therapist, you want to find someone who has been on their own journey of self discovery and growth, otherwise it's all just coming from a textbook and the mind. You want a therapist who can be embodied and present enough (I say "enough" as healing is a lifelong journey for us all) to be able to hold space for you to access your own inner healing and wisdom.
The kicker to my story and why I found it difficult to seek help was ironically because I was working in mental health and was situated on a psychiatric hospital campus! It’s a long story that I might share more of it one day.
These days I’m happy and healthy, regret keeps me on the straight and narrow and I’m more cautious, I think it’s a helpful negative emotion.
Yes, I agree Dr Genevieve a good therapist with life experience and presence would be perfect, I did find a Jungian therapist in London but I cancelled it was just too far away. Ideally I would look for someone who integrates mind, body and spirit.
I'm fortunate to have two great male friends who enjoy talking about these topics, although sometimes you don't want to lean on the people you care about too much.
Yes it's often the people working in mental health who feel even more stigma and shame around "coming out," around their own struggles and vulnerabilities.
So pleased to hear that you've come to more happiness and health. Also wonderful that you have two great male friends. This can be an issue though for many. Not wanting to lean on or feel like a burden to others (who have usually got their own lives and struggles going on) whilst needing quality people to share with and discuss. It's good we are seeing more supportive online communities being created. Not the same as being around people in person, but a great way to start connecting with like minded others!
That’s a useful distinction between overstimulation and anxiety, yes they do seem familiar but now I can see the differences more clearly.
It is a really interesting journey of self discovery you have been on and one which will give you the edge over other mental heath practitioners because you haven’t learned this stuff in a lecture hall you have lived it.
As a Community Support Worker I once visited a man suffering from anxiety his illness had reduced him into a shadow of himself, he looked tough with a chiselled jaw and hands like shovels I couldn’t understand why this 6ft plus ex-heavyweight Eastern European boxer was finding life so difficult, he was tough yet timid, sensitive and kind.
I didn’t know what anxiety was until it hit me whilst driving back from a festival one morning, I couldn’t go to work for weeks I had a whole range of bizarre symptoms (inc: visual day time hallucinations, panic/anxiety attacks, paranoia, delusions, convulsions, sleep paralysis, OBE', insomnia etc...) I never told anyone I was ill and struggling I felt so much unbarable shame, when colleagues asked if I was all right I just replied “yes I’m fine”.
I remember digging my fingernails into my forearm the discomfort gave me mild relief; it was then I realised why people cut themselves, anything to relive the soul-destroying anxiety. I remember the morning the symptoms lifted, I played Metallica’s ‘Justice For All’ at full volume, it was immense relief to feel normal again!
I think young people and HSPs need to be extra cautious something so beautiful can turn ugly - everything that glitters is not gold.
Thanks so much again for such a powerful sharing Matt. The way you have described this sudden onset of anxiety demonstrates just how terrifying it can be. Also the shame, pretence and isolation that came with the struggle shows just how unsupported we can feel in these moments, when what we really need are people who can meet us where we are and accept the process we are in. It sounds like a dreadful time but thank goodness you moved through it.
Also a good point, if you are looking for a therapist, you want to find someone who has been on their own journey of self discovery and growth, otherwise it's all just coming from a textbook and the mind. You want a therapist who can be embodied and present enough (I say "enough" as healing is a lifelong journey for us all) to be able to hold space for you to access your own inner healing and wisdom.
The kicker to my story and why I found it difficult to seek help was ironically because I was working in mental health and was situated on a psychiatric hospital campus! It’s a long story that I might share more of it one day.
These days I’m happy and healthy, regret keeps me on the straight and narrow and I’m more cautious, I think it’s a helpful negative emotion.
Yes, I agree Dr Genevieve a good therapist with life experience and presence would be perfect, I did find a Jungian therapist in London but I cancelled it was just too far away. Ideally I would look for someone who integrates mind, body and spirit.
I'm fortunate to have two great male friends who enjoy talking about these topics, although sometimes you don't want to lean on the people you care about too much.
Yes it's often the people working in mental health who feel even more stigma and shame around "coming out," around their own struggles and vulnerabilities.
So pleased to hear that you've come to more happiness and health. Also wonderful that you have two great male friends. This can be an issue though for many. Not wanting to lean on or feel like a burden to others (who have usually got their own lives and struggles going on) whilst needing quality people to share with and discuss. It's good we are seeing more supportive online communities being created. Not the same as being around people in person, but a great way to start connecting with like minded others!
Thank you I appreciate that!
Yes its wonderful people can draw value and support from online communities, it really helps no doubt about that!